This Sunday, June 5th, I am supposed to testify in our church about being an “overcomer”. I have contemplated the topic for a week and gathered my thoughts but failed miserably, only grief.
It would be easy to say I suffered a lot to deserve the term overcomer, but Joygi suffered the most. Therefore, he is the overcomer: passing his test and now is with our LORD Jesus.
My battles on earth are but halfway. Letting Joygi go physically was not an easy step. Mentally, I thought I was but was sorely mistaken.
Asking me about what we went through is like asking me to relive painful memories. I tread so slowly. Wishing I could explain my thoughts as rapidly as possible, but no words would come out. I blocked my emotions and prepared myself not to show weakness. It is easy to break down. I wish it were not the case for me, but it is.
Inspiring people and telling them to hold on to faith and hope with the love you can only give to your better half. Be there and not give up until he gives out his last breath until God calls him home. Even those words are hard to say, only unspoken cries that only God can hear.
Missing Joygi every day, missing his company. I may never understand how the world works in how it perceives grief, but this is how I am handling mine.
This grief will leave me one day, and I will only smile at his thoughts. Only my LORD knows. He knows my spirit is still inside the house of mourning. In God’s time, I know he will slowly guide me out. But here I remain, still.