It will be four months this April 10th. Four months feels like it was yesterday of not seeing you.
Time stopped for me when you left. I feel like I am stuck in a loop, and I am bound to get old inside it; without you. And for some miracle, you found a way out.
People are expecting me to have moved on and moved on so quickly?
It is cruel to assume a grieving person to forget their dead immediately. It’s like stripping a bandage from a flesh wound.
I will never wish for anyone to suffer what we’ve gone through. Nor suffer the loss of someone you hold dear.
It is easy to say, “I am fine”. It is easy to tell a grieving person, “He is happier there now”. “Be happy”.
God knows how deeply broken I am. And the only people who can sympathize are those who experience my pain.
Here in this room where I kneel, I find solace. I find comfort in knowing you can run again and see once more in heaven.
I wish you could answer me whenever I ask, “How are you? How you’ve been? What does Jesus look like?”
Answers I can never hear, embrace I can never feel, and your laughter I can never hear. I wish people would understand.
It is enough for me that the LORD understand me. And that you are happy and free. I need to replace your roses.